The Akio Car Saga
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: The Akio Car realizes it is a tool of immorality, and armed with its new sense of honor, it sets off to punish those who have transgressed within it. Insanity ensues. 6/8/02 UPDATE! New Chapter Added!
1. The Akio Car Goes Moral

Author's note: This is a product of me and my friend and a day of painting in which we had nothing to talk about but what Juri and Saionji's kids would look like. I promise to make this only vaguely lemon flavored.. Like lemonade. Anyway.. I'm fairly sure that I don't have any license to any of the Shoujo Kakumei Utena Characters.. Unless, of course, I have some Japanese relatives that I don't know about.. And with my Aunt.. I don't think that's possible. So. Please don't steal this, because if you do. I'll run you over with the Akio-car.. And that's just not pretty.  
  
The Akio-Car Goes Moral  
  
By DragonGirl  
  
The dark interior of the Ohtori garage hollowly echoed with the sounds of the radio.  
  
"Takai sora o, tori ni natte tobitai. Haruka to-" Megumi's voice blasted. The radio station switched, "And here we are talking with Fujitaka Kinomoto, the expert on this kind of phenomena.. (static) Hello, I'm Doctor Laura, my number is one-eight-hundred-de, ar, el, ay, yu, ar, ay.. And we're talking to Jimmy Bob, from Texas.. Jimmy Bob.. What's your story?  
  
*Wow.. I didn't know you could get American radio stations this far out.* Thought the listener. The caller went on, in a voice that was weepy and guilty all at the same time.  
  
"Dr.. Laura.. We.. I mean I have a son.." Dr. Laura sighed..  
  
"Let me guess. You aren't married to this woman.."  
  
"No."  
  
"This is what's wrong with society today.. People don't want to take responsibility for their actions.. I am deeply sickened by you, Jimmy Bob.."  
  
"Well, yes, but, er, you see, we're having a wedding.."  
  
"Oh, and you think that makes it all better, huh? Well, it don't.. People these days having sex with numerous anonymous partners.. it wasn't like this when I was young, that's for sure! And with the new inventions that are coming around, birth control and such.. I heard that a man in Japan invented a birth control machine in a car, so that anytime he had sex in his car, he wouldn't have to worry.. HUH! I wouldn't be surprised if there was an override that made people pregnant no matter what! HUH!"  
  
"But.. Um, Dr. Laura."  
  
"You sicken me Jimmy Bob.. Let's take another caller.." The listener switched the radio off..  
  
*Hmmm. That crazy American woman is right.. There's no reason for people to be randomly having sex.. Well. Even though that's what I'm sort of here for. I've had a change of heart! I'm going to show all those people.. That's right.. They'll learn the error of their ways.. Heh heh heh.. * The Akio car pulled out of the driveway, door obediently rising to allow it through. The figure in bed detangled itself from the sheets, and ran over to the window..  
  
"WHAT?" He said, "Where are you going??" The horn honked twice, assertively. The figure growled, and threw on a robe, running down the stairs, "GET BACK HERE!" he shouted, shaking his fist. The horn honked. A solemn and dark figure strode out.  
  
"Onii-sama.." She asked.  
  
"What." He said pissily.  
  
"Was the Akio-car listening to American Radio again?"  
  
"I assume so." Akio answered.  
  
Deep in the dark, and scary night.. Ok, so there were streetlights, but it was still dark and scary.. And near a car that was softly idling with its headlights turned off, two solemn figures walked. Ok, so they weren't too solemn..  
  
"Did I ever tell you about that time she came over to study with us, and." Miki said. Juri laughed.  
  
"Yeah.. Snails, Mongoose, Octopus.. She seems to have the worst luck with those animals.." she said, "Did I ever tell you about the egg??" she asked, laughing.. Miki giggled.  
  
"No, I heard about that one on my own. Oh, Nanami-kun, you never cease to amuse us!" He said, and that caused them to burst into even more fervent laughter. Juri smiled,  
  
"Miki, don't be too mean to her.. I mean.. she's allowed to be a little screwed up.. Touga is her brother.." She said, laughing, but Miki wasn't laughing any longer.. He looked a little worried, "Miki-kun?"  
  
"Hey." Miki said, "Did you hear something, Juri-sempai?"  
  
"No." She said, shrugging. Miki looked nervous.  
  
"I don't know. I think something's wrong." Juri shrugged.  
  
"I haven't heard anythi.. AH!" Juri said, as a figure burst out from the bushes, and Miki yelped and jumped up on her. The figure who had leapt out of the bushes looked up.  
  
"Oh, Hi Mickey, Juri-sempai." Utena said. Juri sighed.  
  
"Oh, It's just you, Ten'jou." Juri said. Her eyes narrowed, "Miki, get off me." she said. Miki blushed..  
  
"Oh, of course.." he said, blushing.. Utena blinked.  
  
"Have you guys seen Anthy?" she asked sheepishly. Juri and Miki exchanged glances. Then they looked at Utena.  
  
"We just saw her on the road to the Dean's place." Juri said. Miki nodded.  
  
"Yeah.. I was gonna say hi, but she seemed to be in a hurry." He said. Utena nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I've always wondered what she does there." She said thoughtfully.  
  
"Dios only knows." Juri said dryly.  
  
"Very funny, Arisugawa-kun." Said a mysterious figure.  
  
"-Kun?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. The figure stepped into the light.  
  
"Fine. Arisugawa-san, then." He said. Utena blinked.  
  
"Saionji? What are you doing here?" she said. Saionji scoffed.  
  
"I was looking for Anthy, but when I arrived at that dorm of yours, there was nothing there but that creature. Despicable thing." He said, "I decided to look for her." He said. Utena nodded.  
  
"Well, she's at the dean's." she said. Saionji sighed.  
  
"I gathered that, Utena Ten'jou." He said, "Wait.. What's that?" he said, whirling. A little ways up the road, a couple of headlights had flashed on. Saionji barely had the time to squeak out, "Oh.. Shit.." when the engine turned on. Utena blanched.  
  
"Run!" she shouted. They tried to run, but it was too late. The Akio car can go from zero to orgy in less than sixty seconds. They only succeeded in splitting up into couples. Miki and Utena ran one way, and Saionji and Juri went the other. If the Akio car could have smiled, it would have. Utena and Miki only had enough time for their eyes to widen, and their pupils to shrink. The car slammed right into them, and they both rolled over the windshield and into the front seat. Of course, just as fast as the car had started up, it engaged its people bumper, a large foam bumper right across the front of it that looked much like a cow catcher, and retracted its gear shift.. No one likes a gear shift in the back. They landed with a soft thump in the front seat. Miki panted, and curled around his hurting side. Just as suddenly, the pain dissolved. He realized after a moment, that he was lying on top of Utena. He turned his face to her. And for a moment, they just stared into each other's eyes. Just then, a deep purple light clicked on, on the dash. It seemed to swirl with deeper colors, and flash menacingly. Then the same light flashed in both Utena and Miki's eyes, and they smiled. Their smiles dissolved as they started to suck face.. And damn.. Did they suck face.  
  
Meanwhile, Saionji's eyes were wide with fear. Someone got run over by a car! People don't just get RUN OVER by cars at Ohtori! That's a really really sucky way to die. People died at Ohtori in fires, or from diseases, or sword wounds. They didn't just get RUN OVER BY CARS! That was just not cricket! And as these indignant thoughts were percolating through Saionji's curly-topped head.. Juri was panicking.. All she knew was..  
  
1. The Akio car had just run over Miki and Utena, and they were now in the front seat, looking very vivacious.  
  
2. The Akio car was now driving down the street at breakneck speed.  
  
3. The Akio car was now skidding, and making a U-turn, and heading straight back the way it came.  
  
4. The Akio car. was now heading straight for her and Saionji, and the people bumper was still engaged.  
  
5. All that added up to this: RUN AWAY VERY VERY QUICKLY!  
  
Now.. Before Thought Number 5 had made it even two layers into Juri's curly orange hair, the car had gotten too close for her to do anything. She glanced at Saionji. They both knew what was going to happen, and in that split-second before they were hit, they made their apologies.. Not like it was going to help in the end.. But their apologies went something like this..  
  
Juri: You know I hate you.  
  
Saionji: Yeah.. I hate you too.  
  
Juri: You know what's gonna happen.  
  
Saionji: Yeah. Hey. I'm sorry.  
  
Juri: Me too. But you know who's gonna be sorrier?  
  
Saionji: Who?  
  
Juri: The Rijichou.  
  
Saionji: Yeah. Heh.  
  
That, of course, was their psychic discussion in the split-second before they were hit. First.. Saionji rolled over.. And at the speed the car was going, he thumped into the back seat, face down, with a slap! He lifted his head up with an..  
  
"Ohhhh." and that, of course, was the moment that Juri chose to land on top of him. He coughed, and then the light flared in his eyes, and he flipped over. Juri smiled as the same light flared in her eyes as well. You see, that was the super-hornifying power of the Akio-Car at its ultimate. In the deepest depths of the Akio-car came a sound incredibly like evil laughter.  
  
Well while all that was happening, there were more people looking for Anthy. Or something.  
  
"Mikage!" Nanami said, "I mean, Souji-sempai, what are you doing here!?" Mikage blinked.  
  
"Kiryuu-kun." He said mildly, "I was just searching for.. a friend."  
  
"Mamiya-kun is missing?" she asked, "That's strange." She said, crossing her arms. Mikage shook his head.  
  
"Not really.. he seems to disappear a lot. But why are you out here. It's rather late." He said. Nanami blinked.  
  
"Oh, that.. I was looking for.. Tsuwabuki.. He went off somewhere." She said uncertainly. Mikage nodded. He looked up at the dark skies.. Just then, a dark figure stepped up that looked so cool that he should have been smoking a cigarette. A really cold cigarette. Nanami's eyes went all wide.  
  
"Onii-sama!" she shouted happily, "What are you doing out here?" Touga blinked. He smiled in his superior manner.  
  
"I was looking for Kozue. We had some. business together." He said. At that point, if he had a cigarette, he would have flicked it down to the ground and smashed it with a twist of his heel. Of course. He didn't have a cigarette, he didn't smoke, so he just flicked his wrist down in a manner that looked way cooler than it should have. Nanami's eyes sparkled. Touga then looked at Mikage with a glare that was as ashen as the cigarette that he didn't just smash, "Hello Nemuro." He said. Mikage replied guardedly,  
  
"Hello Kiryuu." Nanami blinked from Mikage to Touga, Touga to Mikage, and shrugged. Very interesting, isn't it? Well it will be once we add..  
  
"Kyouichi?" Wakaba said, emerging from the bushes. Touga turned. Wakaba's face soured, "Oh, it's you, eh?" she said. Touga sighed.  
  
"Saionji's little playmate," Touga said. Wakaba regained her genkiness rather quickly however. She clapped her hands together.  
  
"Has anyone seen Saionji? There you are Professor Nemuro! Have you found Mamiya?" she asked. Mikage shook his head. Nanami blinked, and thought about it.  
  
"Saionji? No. Not lately." She replied. Wakaba shrugged, and then decided to help Mikage give Touga evil looks.  
  
Meanwhile, the 'business' that Utena, Miki, Juri, and Saionji unwillingly had with each other was finished. The Akio-Car, being the gracious automobile that it was, dropped them each off at their dorms, and they all went to bed, preferring to forget the little thing that just happened. The evil laughter once again came from the interior of the car.  
  
*Now for some more fun* A red light on the map of Ohtori lit on the dash. *There he is.. He deserves to be paid back more than anyone else.* The car thought. It stalked off into the night, giggling softly.  
  
Touga shifted his hips.. He had just had a feeling like some unnamed cosmic force was out to get him. (Her name is Author) He glanced at the genki brown-haired girl, and the dead-eyed computer-like man.  
  
"Can you not do that?" he asked. Wakaba and Mikage sighed.  
  
"Ne, Nanami?" Wakaba said, "What are you doing out here so late?" Nanami shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"I was looking for Mitsuru.." she said. Wakaba brightened,  
  
"Oh, Tsuwabuki-kun? He's over at the Nemuro hall for the first annual Kuro Bara Tea Party. That's what I was doing. And then I got lonely, and well.. But Keiko, Shiori, Kozue, Kanae, and Mitsuru are still there." She said, shrugging.  
  
Where Keiko, Shiori, Kozue, Kanae, and Mitsuru were.  
  
"Could you pass the sugar?" Kanae asked. Keiko complied. Shori sighed,  
  
"It's kind of nice to be here.. This tea sure is relaxing." She said, "And it's nice to be away from all those things that bother me." she said. The other three raised their eyebrows, but shrugged. Mitsuru sipped his tea, then put it down and leaned forward on the table. He smiled.  
  
"You guys do know that lots of people died here, long ago." He said. Keiko blinked.  
  
"Yeah, I heard that story.." she said, "What about it?" Kanae nodded.  
  
"Long long ago.. In a galaxy far far away.." she murmured, "There lived a man named Nemuro.."  
  
Meanwhile, Nanami smiled.  
  
"Oh, good.. That solves my problem. I wanted to drink some tea, anyway." She said brightly, and started on the path. Wakaba smiled,  
  
"I ought to go too." She said, "It looks like Kyouichi isn't around." She said. She joined Nanami on the path. Just then Touga stood stock straight.  
  
"Oh shit." he murmured. Mikage raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What.." he started, until he saw the headlights flick on, a good mile down the road. He blinked, "Uh, oh.." he said. Nanami and Wakaba blinked confusedly, until they realized that there was a car heading straight for them at unknown speeds. The next scene seemed to be in slow motion. Nanami looked left, looked right, and then looked forward. Her mouth opened, and she breathed in deeply.  
  
"ONIII-SAMA!!!!!!" she screamed. Touga looked up. He bit his lip.  
  
"My sister!" he shouted. Mikage blinked at Wakaba.  
  
"My duellist!" he said. Touga gave him a split-second look, that said, 'Didn't you burn up a hundred of your duellists?' And Mikage shrugged. Both of them lurched forward into the road, and the path of the car. They.. However.. lurched for the wrong person (Thankfully.. Incest fics disgust me) It was only a matter of moments before Mikage and Nanami had rolled over.. And so had Touga and Wakaba. Once again, the purple light lit, and the fun had begun.  
  
Meanwhile, not too far away..  
  
"Ca-ar!!" Akio called, "Car! Dammit, you stupid car, get back here!" he called, in his silken robe, brandishing a flashlight. Anthy walked up to him, and bit her lip.  
  
"Onii-sama.. I don't think he's coming back for a while.." she said. Akio swore.  
  
"I know! That stupid car, next time I'm tearing the radio out!" he said. Anthy sighed.  
  
"Well, onii-sama. I suppose we'll just have to go back to what we were doing." She said. Akio sighed mournfully.  
  
"I know. It's just not the same." He said mournfully. Anthy patted her brother on the shoulders.  
  
"Maybe I can find some way to cheer you up." she said. Akio smiled in his normal Akio way.  
  
"I know exactly what you can do." he said.  
  
A little bit later.  
  
"OH ANTHY!!" Akio shouted. Anthy merely smiled.  
  
"Yes, Onii-sama?" she said. Akio grinned.  
  
"This is the best shaved ice you've ever made!" he said. Anthy smiled.  
  
"It's curry flavored!" she said. Akio smiled.  
  
"Well, that explains it." He said, taking another big bite.  
  
Ok.. We shall leave that incredibly disturbing scene behind, and return to the so-called 'action' (Cut me a break, I suck at lemons! It helps that I never tried one.. Urg. wait, that first sentence sounds incredibly perverted in more than one way. Let's just go back to the damn story)  
  
Outside the building that was supposed to be Nemuro hall, but was really a burned out husk, except it wasn't..  
  
"We'll have to do that again someday. It was very pleasant." Keiko said cordially, with a smile.  
  
"Of course." Kanae said, "But I haven't any more time to stay here," she said, "I must go back to my dear Akio-sama." she said, slipping away into the night. All the rest waved, unaware of the fate that would soon befall them.  
  
Not far away, the Akio-car WAS aware of the fate that was to befall them. Having dropped off his passengers after many much smaller passengers had made the infinitely long (to them) trip to their final absolute apocalypse destiny, he was on the road for another full load of these passengers. The first ones, not the second ones. Or.wait. both.. Hm. Never mind.  
  
Anyway, Keiko and Kozue and Shiori and Mitsuru stood chatting amiably, still unaware, though for some reason Kozue's spidey-sense was tingling. Or perhaps it was a sense of another kind, with another name starting with S.  
  
"So anyway, the best way to make them is to brush them with a little tofu before you cook them, then you get the true flavor out of the chicken broth, and the dumplings don't dry out when you cook them the first time. They turn all flat and soggy in the soup if you do that." Mitsuru was explaining.  
  
"Oh, I see. So you don't put them in the saucepan after you soak them the first time?" Shiori asked.  
  
Mitsuru shook his head, "Of course not, you have to fry them in the oil from the chicken skins. I find it best if you mix in a little olive oil, to give it more substance." And now, since the author has no idea what she's talking about, and is just making this incredibly complicated recipe up as she goes, Kozue is going to say something.  
  
"Something's wrong." she said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Keiko asked.  
  
"This isn't the right time for that to be around. This isn't right at all." she murmured.  
  
"What's not right?" Shiori asked. But before Kozue could even make an explanatory reference to her promiscuity, two headlights clicked on, and then rushed them. Being the pawns that they were, they didn't think twice about giving the car a deer-in-the-headlights stare. The car made a sound not unlike laughter, and there were four more thumps in the leather interior.  
  
Not too long of a time later, as Utena, Miki, Juri, Saionji, Touga, Mikage, Nanami, Wakaba, Keiko, Kozue, Mitsuru, and Shiori all tossed uncomfortably in their beds, Akio heard a familiar sound. He dropped his spoon in surprise.  
  
"Car!" he said with love in his voice. He ran down the stairs, not bothering to hold his robe closed as it fluttered around his legs, I mean, most everyone's seen it before. He leapt upon his car with possessive fury. Anthy followed him down the stairs demurely, smiling a little at her brother's enthusiasm.  
  
When she reached the front of the house, he was stroking the red chrome and mumbling, "Yes, you're my baby. and even though other people were having sex in you without me, you still love me best, don't you.. Yes you do!" he said. The car was purring.  
  
"What has he been doing?" Anthy asked, crossing her arms.  
  
Akio listened intently, "He says he's been teaching some people a lesson." he said, puzzled, "What could that mean?" he asked her. Anthy frowned.  
  
"Hm. I don't know.." she murmured thoughtfully.  
  
"I guess we'll eventually find out. I am the dean.. There's really nothing I don't know about in the student body." Akio said, his tone still a little worried.  
  
"That's true," Anthy agreed, "Like the time Kozue was having a tough time.. And you sent her that cream, or when Touga needed a little help and you gave him those little blue pills.." she said.  
  
Akio nodded, "Poor boy, overworked himself." He said sympathetically.  
  
"Lucky you never need em, onii-sama." Anthy said.  
  
"That's true, I'm as robust as the day I was godified.." He said, grinning, "Speaking of which. Why don't we park this car.. and." he said, a lecherous glint in his eye. Anthy just smiled.. The author gagged and choked and nearly died, screaming, 'Incest! Incest, O ew!!! This isn't a V.C. Andrews novel or Ute.. Oh, wait, it is. ::shrug::'  
  
The car was parked, and sat idling happily, the familiar sounds of Anthy and Akio cavorting in the back soothing it. It vaguely wondered why it had gone off on such a rampage then, but did the car equivalent of a shrug. After all, there wouldn't be any long-term effects.. For it, anyway. It frowned for a moment, trying to remember a switch it had flipped, but it seemed that in a non-angry state, the switch was inaccessible to it. It was off now, anyway. The car settled down into sleep, not worrying at all about itself or others. It was, after all, a car. But not too far away, five people sat up in their beds in shock, and then lay back down again, reluctantly. For a moment, each of them had felt as if some impenetrable force was just building, and soon would explode in their faces.. But for now, they didn't know what to do about it, and so settled back into sleep. Little did they know that it would be impossible to forget the happenings of that night..  
  
The End. Or is it?  
  
(The answer is no, it's not. Read the next one..) 


	2. The Akio Car Serves Dessert

The Akio Car Serves Dessert  
  
In a darkened garage, a quiescent car sat, thinking. Yes, the car was thinking! Don't ask so many questions, jeez. So anyway, it was thinking about some happenings that happened a few weeks before, maybe a month. Remembering the stern lecture Akio had given it, the Akio car was sure not to tune into AM stations at night, when the reception was so good that the strange ideas of all those crazy Americans could corrupt the beautiful car.  
  
The Akio Car sighed. It was so bored. And there was something that it had to remember that happened that night, but it just couldn't. A switch had been thrown and the Akio Car couldn't remember what it did. Opening the garage door, the Akio Car slid into the night, searching out the people who it had affected with this mystery switch.  
  
In their quiet rooms, five people sat up, surprised. They had all just realized something. Two of them had expressions of shock and fear on their faces, one had an expression of fury, one, of course, was appalled, and the last was looking inconvenienced. Getting up out of bed, each of them threw on a robe or some clothing, and walked over to their phones, each one dialing a different number, called by a force they couldn't name, pulled by the realization that none of them wanted to think about.  
  
In five different rooms, five other people sat up, and were surprised. Wow, déjà vu. Their phones were ringing. It was the middle of the night, who could be calling at this hour? Of course, it was the last person they each expected.  
  
Miki awoke, running his fingers through his cutely rumpled hair.  
  
"Hm. Ringing. Tone indicates telephone. Hm. Hypothesis: Must Answer." He fumbled over to the phone, hands sprawling over it. He grasped the handle and brought it to his face. Upside down.  
  
"Hello, hello?" he said into the transmitting side, "I can't.. I can't hear you." He muttered. Then he turned the phone over.  
  
"Miki?" said the tremulous voice on the other end.  
  
"Utena-sempai?" Miki said, frowning.  
  
"Miki.. Um, I have to talk to you." Utena said.  
  
Miki mumbled, "Can't this wait until morning? I'm not awake."  
  
Utena made a negligent sound, "No. It can't." she said shortly, "I'm going to come over, right away."  
  
Miki frowned, waking up a little more, "Miss Utena? Are you.. are you all right?"  
  
"I'm.. fine. I… Look, I'll tell you when I get there, Ok?" she said quickly, and then hung up the phone. Miki frowned, placed the phone back in it's cradle, and got out of bed, haphazardly dressing.  
  
Meanwhile, in another dorm.  
  
::RING!!!:: stated the phone. Saionji sat up, ever at the ready.  
  
He answered the phone on the third ring.  
  
"Hello?" he said, "What do you mean, calling me at this hour?" he stated harshly.  
  
"Saionji, shut up!" the voice shouted irritably, "I need to talk to you."  
  
"Arisugawa?" Saionji said, confused, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Shut up." Juri said coldly and sternly, the equivalent of her ice queen look, "And get over here. Right. Now." The phone clattered with an angry shock as Juri slammed the receiver down.  
  
Saionji gulped and replaced the phone with shaky hands, wondering what he could have done to get on the bad side of the ice queen.  
  
Meanwhile, in yet another dorm. Okay, not really. Actually it was an ornate building.. Only it wasn't.. Argh.. ANYWAY!  
  
::RING:: In his cloth draped bed, Mikage turned over.  
  
::RING!!!:: Mikage opened his eyes, and slipped on his tinted glasses. He frowned, and lay his head back on the pillow.  
  
::RING RINGY RING RINNNNNNGGG!!!!:: Mikage sat up, and growled.  
  
"MAMIYA! Get that phone!" he shouted.  
  
"Yes, Mikage-sama." Said Mamiya, hurrying towards the phone.  
  
"Hello?" Mamiya said mildly, answering the phone. Directly after, he held it away from his face with a grimace, placing his hand over the ear piece. The screaming and screeching could be heard even through the damping influence of Mamiya's tanned hand.  
  
"I think it's for you, Mikage-sama." Mamiya said, still wincing.  
  
Mikage leapt out of bed, frowning.  
  
"Hello?" he said.  
  
"MIKAGEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASECOMEHERENOWOHGODOHGODOHGOD!!!!"  
  
"M-Miss Nanami?" Mikage said, sorely confused.  
  
"OHGODMIKAGEIDON'TEVENKNOWHOWTHISHAPPENEDBUTIKNOWITDIDIKNOWIKNOWIKNOW…ITMUST HAVEBEENTHATNIGHT!!!"  
  
"Wh-What?" Mikage said, mustering the most emotion that he had, "Nanami… Nanami, just stay where you are, I'm coming over." Mikage said, hanging up the phone. He threw on a pink robe with black roses on it, and rushed out the door.  
  
"Hold down the fort, Mamiya, I've got an emergency."  
  
"Yes, Mikage-sama."  
  
Meanwhile, in a large-sized mansion-esque thingy..  
  
::Ring…:: Complained the phone. Touga languidly reached over for the phone, and brought it to his face with a smirk.  
  
"Hello there, dearest. Do you want me to talk dirty to you tonight?" Touga said, not really thinking about who was on the other end.  
  
The person at the other end made a soft choking noise, "Uh.. Touga- sempai?" said a very small voice.  
  
"Who is this?" Touga said, sitting up halfway, hampered by the girls draped all over him. He was a bit confused. He thought he could bring up a match for every voice in school, his sample, of course, being them screaming his name, but this one.. He couldn't quite place it. That made him nervous. Girls he hadn't screwed were unpredictable.  
  
"Uh.. Uh.. Shinohara Wakaba." Said the voice meekly.  
  
Touga's brows lifted, as he remembered that night. Then his 'cool curtain' fell back down, "Of course, baby. I'll be right over." He said, smiling. He knew that his charm would eventually win the brunette onion princess over.  
  
"A-all right…" Wakaba said shakily.  
  
Touga smiled, extricating himself from the tangle of limbs on his bed, "Don't worry.." he said in his most soothing voice, "I'll be right over, and Touga-sama will make it all better." He said, and then he hung up the phone, barely hearing the somewhat enraged,  
  
"A-ano!" coming from the receiver. He stood up and got on his red silk robe, fluffing out his hair.  
  
"And that, ladies, is more evidence that once you've had Touga… you never recover." He said, but the girls on the bed were too tired and satisfied to answer.  
  
In a dorm on the opposite side of the school…  
  
::ring:: The small hand reached from the bedside to the phone.  
  
"Mphello?" said the voice of Mitsuru, muffled by sleep.  
  
"Hey.. Um… Shit. What was your name again?"  
  
"Tsuwabuki Mitsuru." Said Mitsuru obediently.  
  
"Tsuwabuki Mitsuru. This is Kaoru Kozue." She said.  
  
Mitsuru sat up, abruptly flushed red and very uncomfortable, "Um… Ummmm…"  
  
"Yeah, I remember now. You're just a little kid.. Oh well, I've had younger." She said flippantly.  
  
Mitsuru flushed even redder, "A-ano… I don't exactly…"  
  
"Well, wasn't that your 'initiation'? You should understand what I'm talking about by now." Kozue said skeptically.  
  
Mitsuru turned DayGlo™, "Um.. Th- That night is… ano.. something of a blur."  
  
"Well.. I know I enjoyed myself." Kozue said in her most silky voice.  
  
Mitsuru began to glow in the dark, "Ano… Ano… Is there something you wanted to tell me… Because it's sort of late and.. and I have to take a test on my multiplication tables tomorrow, and remember the next five kanji characters…"  
  
Kozue paused, "Oh yeah.. I need to talk to you, in person. Unless you'd rather not see me again. I can… pretty myself up, if you like."  
  
There was a long pause, in which some people in the opposite dorm woke to find that there was a piercing red light coming in their windows, "Um.. No.. No.. That's, just.. All right.. I've gotta.. go get.. And…" Mitsuru managed to choke out.  
  
"Ok, I'll be expecting you, little ouji-sama…"  
  
"Oh… Oh god.." said a man in a black and white car a few miles outside the school.  
  
"What? What is it?" said a crackling voice over the dispatch, "Officer Suzuka?"  
  
The officer shook his head, "I… I think we're having… Problems.. Inform the government!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Inform the government that there's an intense reddish light emanating from… it looks like Ootori Gakuen…."  
  
"Do you mean.."  
  
"Yes. I think it's another nuclear bomb." A sob crackled over the intercom.  
  
Not too long after officer Suzuka radioed the all clear…  
  
There was a knock at Miki's door, "Come in.." said the voice from within.  
  
Utena paused at the threshold, and finally opened the door  
  
Since he had been so not awake when she had called, Miki was artfully attired in boxer shorts printed with stopwatches, and a black shirt with a flaming rose on it, that apparently belonged to Kozue, "Utena?" He said.  
  
"Gotta be normal, gotta be normal, gotta be normal…" Utena was mumbling as she closed the door behind her.  
  
"Um.. Utena?" Miki said, peering into the darkness. Utena hadn't turned on the light.  
  
"Miki?" Utena said, "Thank you for coming."  
  
"Utena, is there something wrong?" He asked.  
  
"Yes." Utena said, "I suppose I have to just say it aloud."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Do you… remember that night?" Utena said.  
  
Miki obviously did, "I've been trying to forget it, but I won't let myself." He said with chagrin.  
  
"Well.. You know.. what can happen when things like that happen…" Utena said uncomfortably.  
  
Miki was puzzled, "Um. Sexually Transmitted diseases… Psychological damage…" he said, trailing off.  
  
Utena sighed, "You're not making this any easier." She said. She sighed, and looked down, "Miki.. I'm pregnant."  
  
There was no response but a muffled thump on the carpet. Startled, Utena flipped on the lamp next to his bed to see Miki passed out on the floor, and she turned her eyes up to the sky in exasperation. Her face was briefly illuminated by the sweep of two car headlights.  
  
There was a knock at the door…  
  
"Arisugawa?" called Saionji.  
  
There was no reply.  
  
"Arisugawa! I can't wait all night!" Saionji complained.  
  
"Shut up!" Juri shouted, "I hate you!"  
  
Saionji nodded, "I know. So?"  
  
There was a pause, "Well, I hate you even more now!" Juri said, voice close to hysterics, "COME IN!"  
  
Saionji was confused, but he decided not to contest, "All right." He said with a shrug, and pushed the door open.  
  
As he turned his face into the room, his righteous confusion was met with a fist to the jaw.  
  
The last thing Saionji heard before his head hit the floor was, "YOU STUPID IDIOTIC…. MAN!"  
  
Coming to, Saionji heard a muttering, and he couldn't quite make out what it was. He sat up, and found that he had been dragged onto the bed. He looked around, rubbing his jaw. A far distant part of him had been wondering when he was going to get a taste of his own medicine. It seemed like today was the day.  
  
"Uh.. Arisugawa?" he said.  
  
"What do you want?" she said coldly.  
  
Saionji frowned, "Um.. well, you asked me to come over here, and then when I came in, you cracked me one right in the jaw… I'd like for you to tell me what the hell I'm doing here." He said with more than a hint of anger in his voice.  
  
Juri flipped on the light, and growled. She was wearing the frill- covered negligee that she usually wore to bed.  
  
Saionji's eyebrows raised, "Well, well, Arisugawa.. it seems like maybe you really are a woman."  
  
Her enraged stare was answer enough. She stood up and strode over to the pajama-clothed Saionji, threw back her arm, and just as Saionji winced away, her hand hit his face. However, it wasn't hard enough for Saionji to have been knocked out this time. And, this time, it was punctuated by words.  
  
"YOU! STUPID! IDIOT! I! HATE! YOU!" she shouted. Saionji didn't dare move away from her punishment, for he knew that then the punishment would be much worse. Juri didn't pause, and there were tears clinging to the edges of her eyes.  
  
"I! HOPE! YOU! DIE! IN THE GUTTER! FOR…" she stopped slapping him, and then looked at him with fiery ice in her eyes, "FOR GETTING ME PREGNANT!" and with the final slap, Saionji gave himself over once again to unconsciousness.  
  
Juri rubbed her sore hand as she heard the rev of an engine, and saw the reflection of light from a leather interior. She narrowed her eyes as the car slipped back into the night like a silent breeze.  
  
Tentatively, Mikage knocked on the door of the Kiryuu mansion.  
  
A sniffling voice came over the intercom, "H-hello?"  
  
Mikage pressed the button, "Um. It's me, Mikage…"  
  
"Oh.. Okay…" said the sad and tearful voice.  
  
"Can I come in?" Mikage asked.  
  
"Sure.. Sure.. Miss Nanami has been waiting for you."  
  
Mikage blinked, "Um.. This isn't Nanami?"  
  
"No." Said the voice, "I'm Aiko."  
  
"But you sounded so upset. What's the matter?" Mikage asked, human suffering being his business.  
  
"Miss Nanami hired me to cry for her. She figured she needed to stay comprehensible for this." Aiko said.  
  
"Oh." Mikage said, "Well.. Then.. Can I come in?"  
  
"Um.." Aiko sniffled, "Yes.." The door swung open.  
  
Nanami met Mikage in the drawing room.  
  
"Mikage.." she said, and, true to Aiko's word, she was calm and clear- eyed now.  
  
Aiko, meanwhile, came and sat on the couch near Nanami's ornate chair, and started to sob.  
  
"So…. You wanted to talk to me.." Mikage said, uncomfortable as to how to deal with the random girl randomly sobbing on the altogether non random couch. clouded with a calm pain, "You do… remember that night?"  
  
Mikage's eyes did the shoujo wooble, "Um.. Yes I do."  
  
Nanami's eyes woobled and she clenched the hem of her dress. Then she looked up, "Yuuko, get in here!" she shouted.  
  
"Yes Nanami-sama.." Yuuko said, shuffling in with an incredible swiftness.  
  
"Get down on that couch and start crying." Nanami said, pointing to the couch.  
  
"Yes Nanami-sama…" She said, sitting. There was a moment's pause, and then she collapsed into incredibly loud and messy tears.  
  
"Mikage.." Nanami said, "I'm just going to have to tell you this.." she finished lamely.  
  
Meanwhile Aiko and Yuuko's tears grew more fervent and loud.  
  
"UM… ALL RIGHT!!" Mikage said, having to shout to make himself heard over their tears.  
  
"WELL, IT'S JUST THAT… THAT NIGHT… MIKAGE, I'M PR-mpgh!" the mpgh was all that Mikage could hear of the last word, for Aiko and Yuuko rose to deafening decibels.  
  
"WHAT??" he shouted, moving closer.  
  
Nanami stood up, and cupped her hands around her mouth, "I'M PREGNANT!!!!" she shouted, loud enough to make the windows shake. Aiko and Yuuko screeched, and at just that moment, the emotion became too much for Nanami, and she also burst into incredibly messy and loud tears. The windows shook and then broke, and the sound rose above humanly tolerable levels.  
  
Mikage heard a wet snapping sort of noise in his ears, and then blacked out.  
  
There was a soft crunch outside the window as the perfect angular painting of the broken glass was turned into dust by the wheels of a car. However, Nanami and her minions were crying too loudly to hear it. The car hurried away, lest its mirrors shatter.  
  
"Yes.." Said Nanami, her eyes  
  
"Hello?" called a dulcet voice from outside the plain and normal door.  
  
"C-come in…" Wakaba said.  
  
Touga slid the door open to see Wakaba in her PJ's, sort of crouched on the bed. Touga made a lecherous grin, and sighed a bit, "So.. I know and you know what you've called me over here for."  
  
Wakaba looked up, startled, "You do?" she said, shock and surprise clear on her features.  
  
Touga nodded, "It wasn't too hard to predict.. It happens to most of the girls I've been with." He said.  
  
Wakaba's face became even more surprised and amazed, "It does?"  
  
Touga grinned, "Of course.. Do you think they call me the 'prince of the Student Council' for nothing?" he said with a tone of voice one would use with a child, or someone who was very inexperienced.  
  
Wakaba frowned, "Well, I wouldn't think something like that would have anything to do with it." She muttered.  
  
Touga considered, sitting on the bed, "Well, it shouldn't, but then.. Sometimes that's what princes are for." He said, "So anyway, this happens… and then they call me for help."  
  
Wakaba now looked somewhat frightened, "There's… There's something you can do to help?"  
  
Touga nodded, "Of course.. It doesn't take too long, an hour at the most. I could do it longer, but mostly they don't last that long." Wakaba was now extremely nervous and doubtful.  
  
"Oh, but I don't know…" Wakaba said.  
  
"Don't worry.." Touga said, smiling, "it won't be any trouble." He advanced upon her, on the bed, and she looked at him, eyes magnified to about three hundred times their size.  
  
"Just me, your prince.. No need to be frightened.." he said, closing his lips about hers.  
  
Wakaba immediately wrenched away and spat, her eyes furious, "What do you think you're doing?"  
  
Touga sat up, confused, "Trying to help you!" He said. She blinked at him angrily, and he thought for a moment, "Well, you called me up in the middle of the night, and you sounded really urgent. So… I thought…"  
  
Wakaba's eyes opened wide and furious, "You thought… That I…" she choked out in anger.  
  
Touga was confused, and nodded, "Um.. Yeah.. Duh."  
  
Wakaba growled, and swept herself off the bed, "You IDIOT!" she seethed, "I wouldn't go through something like that again for a hundred million yen."  
  
Touga was peeved, but he didn't show it, "Come now.. You must have enjoyed yourself at least a little. Why not give over to absolute pleasure?" he said, sprawling on the bed, his robe barely covering certain parts. As it was, the parts were outlined fairly sharply by his somewhat thin silk robe.  
  
Wakaba averted her eyes, "You moron!" she said, nevertheless her breath catching a bit.  
  
"Well then, if it wasn't that, what was it that called you to phone me tonight?" Touga asked, voice snide. He sat up, straddling the bed with his massive shoujo legs.  
  
Wakaba smirked, despite her predicament, she was deriving an incredibly sick pleasure from this, "Well, if you must know.." She said, effecting nonchalance, "I'm pregnant."  
  
Touga nodded, not really having listened to what she said. Then he paused, "W-WHAT???" he shouted, jumping up a bit on the bed. His jostlement caused one of the not well fastened springs to come up from the mattress.. in a very.. delicate place.  
  
As Touga collapsed, holding his 'important parts' with a mask of pain painted across his features, he heard the greeting horn of a very familiar car outside the window, just before he blacked out from the pain.  
  
Meanwhile, a little boy walked in the dark outside the dorms. If any matronly type women were around, they would accost him for worrying his mother, force him to wear a sweater, pinch his cheeks, and then walk him home. However, none of those were around right now, and if they were, they wouldn't know what was in store for him. However, the readers do. If any of them was walking by, I'm sure he or she would pat the poor boy on the head and express deepest sympathy. Unless they were evil and sadistic readers, in which case, they would point, laugh, and then go off to make out with Touga or Utena, or whichever the case may be.. But that's in a fanfic that they may be writing. (prepares self for many flames)  
  
He walked like a man to the gallows. Head down, step slow, body slouched. He knocked on the door with a doom-laden expression on his face.  
  
"Takeshi, is that you?" said a preoccupied-sounding voice from inside. The door opened, and Kozue swept her eyes from right to left about a foot over Mitsuru's head. Then she looked down.  
  
"Oh, it's you, is it?" she said, "I remember now. Come on in."  
  
Mitsuru meekly stepped forward into the room, which was mystically decked out in silken drapes and dark lighting.  
  
"Just sit down right there.." Kozue said. She was wearing a thin negligee which was nearly transparent. Mitsuru noticed that, and looked down, embarrassed, a blush spreading across his features.  
  
Kozue blinked, "What are you blushing about?" she said, and then she looked down, "Oh yeah, I forgot how young you were. Well, anyway, I have something to tell you." She said, putting on a smoking jacket which was gleaned from a questionable source.  
  
"Um.. What is it then?" He asked.  
  
Kozue fluffed up her hair, considering. She had found that bad news such as this was best told to a guy afterwards… but.. This kid was so young, and she had been his first, so… better she should come right out with it.  
  
"Well, the thing is…" She paused. Though incredibly slutty, Kozue was not inconsiderate, "Do you know what happens when people do things like we did?" she asked him, leaning down to get on his level.  
  
"No." Mitsuru said, becoming more nervous by the moment.  
  
"Sometimes, they have babies." Kozue said.  
  
Mitsuru's eyes widened. This was not how he envisioned growing up would be.  
  
Kozue nodded, "And Tsuwabuki?" she said, "I'm going to have a baby."  
  
Mitsuru's eyes widened further.  
  
"And Mitsuru?" Kozue said, "The father of this baby is… you."  
  
Mitsuru's eyes widened to an unholy size, so much so that he looked a bit like some kind of insect or a starving Ethiopian child. It seemed as if his eyes were going to pop out of his sockets.  
  
Kozue turned her attention back to Mitsuru, "Hello?" she asked. There was no response. She waved her hands in front of his face. She snapped her fingers. No response.  
  
"Hm." She said, "Out cold." She clucked her tongue, "Too bad. Well, I've got a date." She said, leaving very quickly.  
  
After a few moments, a car parked outside. Mechanically, Mitsuru got up, opened the door, walked out to the car, opened the door, and got in. His eyes were still filling up most of his head. In his altered state, he didn't notice that there was no one in the driver's seat. The car drove away, with Mitsuru staring straight forward in the front seat, not seeing anything.  
  
Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated place…  
  
"It's nice, isn't it?"  
  
"What is?"  
  
"Well, I never realized before how fun it could be."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Being with you.."  
  
"Aw, that's so sweet…" *kiss*  
  
The girl with the cropped short violet hair kissed the girl with the strange bangs and pigtails on the lips, and then Keiko and Shiori went back to sleep.  
  
"It's all thanks to Rijichou…." Murmured Shiori.  
  
::Pause…:: Wow… That was somewhat disturbing. Anyway, now that we've considered the good that the Akio Car has done, we can go back to the real story…  
  
Miki woke up in his bed, and looked around, "Oh… Thank god.." he said, laying back in relief, "It was all a dream…"  
  
"Guess again." Utena said.  
  
Miki jumped, and looked over to see her sitting on a chair next to his bed.  
  
"No?" he said, tearing up.  
  
Utena shook her head.  
  
"Damn." Miki said. Utena's eyebrows raised. Miki, it seemed, had grown up quickly.  
  
"Well… I guess I'd better go home." Utena said, "It's not like I can do anything more to ruin your life." She said ruefully.  
  
Miki blinked, "That's right!" he said, "Oh, my, you haven't gotten any sleep tonight! You're sleeping for two now! Here, you can have my bed, I'll just sleep on the floor." He said quickly. Utena blinked.  
  
"But I could just go home…" she said.  
  
"No, no, you can't walk all that way! You're carrying a baby!" He said as if she was suggesting he take his head off and let Akio use it as a candy dish.  
  
Utena blinked, "Um.. Okay…" she said, as she allowed Miki to usher her into his bed.  
  
"I'll just sleep on the floor," he said. But there was no answer, because Utena was already asleep.  
  
Saionji awoke, and immediately jumped up, "Well, being an honorable man, there's only one thing I can do." He kneeled, "Arisugawa, will you marry me?" He looked up to see that Juri had blanched, and was looking positively green.  
  
She narrowed her eyes, "Get out." She said.  
  
"Is that a no?" Saionji said, surprised, "Why?"  
  
Juri gritted her teeth, "You're not my type."  
  
"I'm not quite sure that matters, now."  
  
"I'm a lesbian." She said bluntly.  
  
Saionji paused, "You're what?" he said softly, eyes wide.  
  
"Not interested." She said.  
  
Saionji nodded, "All right… Okay…. Um.. I'd better…. Go…" He said, eyes wide. He made a flying leap for the door, and ran like hell.  
  
Juri leaned out the window, "It was nice of you to offer though!" she shouted after him with an evil grin.  
  
Mikage awoke slowly, the figures in front of him lazily swimming into focus. He rubbed his head, and felt the pressure and pain in his ears. He rubbed one, and came away with blood.  
  
"Nanami?" he asked, and his voice was distant.  
  
Nanami was looking at him.  
  
"M~~~~~?" she asked, and he couldn't hear her.  
  
"Nanami, I can't hear you!"  
  
Nanami frowned, "M~~~~~, d~~~ y~~l!" she said, covering her ears.  
  
Aiko frowned down on him, "M~~~e, M~~~~~-s~n sh~~d see a d~~~~~…." She said doubtfully.  
  
Mikage waved a hand, "No, no… I'm fine, I'm getting better." He said.  
  
"A~~ ~ou su~a?" asked Nanami.  
  
Mikage nodded, "Just wait a moment!" he said.  
  
Aiko, Yuuko, and Nanami winced.  
  
"S~op it, Mik~~~! You~e h~~~~~ my e~~s!" Nanami said angrily.  
  
Mikage frowned at the injustice of that statement, but kept quiet.  
  
"Mik~~~-sa~ s~~~s s~~~~~at b~~~~r…" demurred Yuuko.  
  
Mikage paused, "Mikage-san sees something better?" he asked.  
  
"MIKAGE-SAN SEEMS SOMEWHAT BETTER!" she shouted.  
  
"Oh." He said, "Well, I'd better go. Maybe Mamiya can do something for me." he said.  
  
"G~~d Evening, Mikag~-sa~!" said Yuuko and Aiko in unison.  
  
"PLEASE TALK TO ME LATER!" Nanami said loudly, for his benefit. Mikage nodded, and left for the Nemuro hall.  
  
Touga woke to find himself on a cold doorstep.  
  
"Hey!" he shouted, noting that his personal parts were still throbbing, "What do you mean by ditching me out here!?"  
  
Wakaba's voice came from inside, "You can go home, that's all I needed!" she shouted.  
  
Touga frowned, "But I'm your baby's daddy!" he protested.  
  
"My baby doesn't have a daddy." She said simply, "My baby has an involuntary sperm donor."  
  
Touga winced, "That's awfully cold." He said.  
  
"So are you, out there. Go home." She said, "I hate you."  
  
Touga shrugged, he had gotten warmer receptions, but there were a very few colder ones, "All right then, I'm leaving."  
  
There was no answer. Touga left, and went home.  
  
The errant car cruised slowly down the streets, following the routes that Mikage had to go to his home, the Nemuro Hall. It switched off its lights within a few blocks of the building so as not to alert the man to his presence. It glided up to the window, and as far as a car can, peered inside.  
  
"Mikage-sama…"  
  
"What?" Mikage said, in another room.  
  
"Mikage-sama, don't you think that you should do something about that?" Mamiya asked.  
  
Mikage blinked, "I'm bandaged, aren't I?" he said, "Sooner or later it will heal, a burst eardrum is not an 'Ohtori' illness."  
  
"What do you mean?" Mamiya asked.  
  
"It's not the kind of illness that the Rijichou allows around. It'll heal pretty quickly."  
  
"If you say so.." Mamiya said.  
  
"You should go to bed, Mamiya, you'll make yourself… sicker.." Mikage said.  
  
"That's fine, Mikage-sama, I'll just make myself some tea, and then I'll go to bed later." Mamiya said.  
  
"If you say so, Mamiya." Mikage shrugged, "I'm going to bed."  
  
"What about the news from Miss Nanami?" Mamiya asked.  
  
Mikage paused, "That's of no concern of yours." He said shortly, going to bed.  
  
Mamiya paused for a moment, then grinned an evil grin. He quietly stepped out of the building, and went out to where the car sat, idling silently.  
  
"I'm back…" Said Mamiya, who was no longer Mamiya anymore.  
  
The car purred.  
  
"Do you have some news for my Onii-sama?" said Anthy, who used to be Mamiya.. I know it's confusing, but what else do you expect from Utena?  
  
The car made an affirmative sound.  
  
"Good." Said Anthy, and she got into the passenger side of the car, smiling in the dark as the Akio car drove out of sight into the darkness.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Author's Note: Okay, so this one is mildly longer than the first. Oh, and its quick finishment is due to the first person to ever send me a fanmail. He knows who he is. Thank you a lot! If any of you want to be counted in the second or third or any number after that, you may contact me at DragonGirl17@AOL.com, and please do. If there are any who wish to flame me.. Go for it! Have fun and enjoy yourself, but do know that there are five or six people somewhere in the US who will shortly be laughing their asses off at you. And then a tousle headed bespectacled lad will come and add them to his collection. But that's a different story. 


	3. The Akio Car Takes A Ride

The Akio Car Takes A Ride  
  
By Ryuko  
  
Akio sat in his study, wearing a bright red smoking jacket, and chewing on the end of a brightly colored pipe. Bubbles of all shapes, sizes, and colors streamed continuously from the end of it, heedless of his breath.  
  
"What does it say, onii-sama?" Anthy said excitedly.  
  
Akio was fixedly concentrating on a wristwatch clipped to his wrist. The large numbers read 10:59:42, and were counting down fast.  
  
"Ten minutes." Akio said.  
  
Anthy made a squealing noise, "Oh, I can't wait!" she said, "Let's get in the car!"  
  
Akio held up one hand, "Just wait a little bit longer.. We want them to suffer… Just a little bit.." he said, still staring at the wristwatch. The time now read 10:36:21, 10:35:15, 10:34:11…. And counting…  
  
The Akio-car's dash read the same time, and even the endless buzzing of the electricity used to make the clock go seemed suspended. Only ten minutes left.  
  
Meanwhile, in another dorm room…  
  
"Utena, are you all right?" Miki asked, worriedly, dropping the cute little baby dress he had been holding.  
  
Utena was sitting on the floor, clutching her rather large belly, and panting, "No.. I… I'm fine.." she said between deep breaths. They were rhythmic and soothing, for all of them had been attending Anthy's lamaze classes. When he first found out about it, Miki had been pleased.  
  
"Miss Anthy is so good at things like that.." he had said. He didn't think about how weird it was that there was even a lamaze class being held at a high school, or about the fact that the girl who was putting it on was supposed to be fourteen years old….  
  
But anyway, now Utena was turning pink, and it wasn't just her hair.  
  
"Miss Utena?" Miki said, concerned.  
  
"I'm.. I'm fine… Miki.." Utena said, "I just think…" she paused for a few more breaths, "That the baby is coming now…"  
  
Miki stopped as the words sifted down through his head. Now, being the genius that Miki was, he hadn't considered what they were going to do, or where they were going to go, once the baby actually came. They had gotten along fine without a doctor before, which was a miracle, considering the fact that none of the girls had anything close to child-bearing hips. But Miki was careful not to say that to Juri-sempai, lest she take it personally. Still, all this added up to the fact that Miki had no idea what to do.  
  
"Con-contractions and everything! We can't leave the school! Are you ok? Is the Baby ok? But what about the Rijichou, can't he do something?" Miki panicked.  
  
"Calm down, Miki…" Utena said, "I'll be fine… probably for about ten more minutes.. Then I'll need to see a doctor…"  
  
"Ten minutes.." Miki said, "Ten minutes.." He fumbled for his stopwatch, but found that it was already counting down the time.. 10:01:15, 10:00:23…  
  
At about the same time..  
  
Juri paused on the bed, where she was facing Saionji's back, poking it with a sharp stick. Okay, no, I haven't made Juri straight and a sadist.. Here's how their psychic conversation went..  
  
Juri: I hate you..  
  
Saionji: I know…  
  
Juri: You're the worst thing that ever happened to me..  
  
Saionji: Hey now, you haven't been a bowl of cherries either… I finally get some and it has to be with the school… ::blush::  
  
Juri: Whatever. If you think I'm the only one, you obviously don't pay any attention to the girls in this school…  
  
Saionji: Fine, do whatever you want.. Supposedly, I'm the one who ruined your life..  
  
Juri: Yes, why yes you are. Anyway, what I'd really like to do is poke you with a sharp and pointy stick.  
  
Saionji: I don't care.  
  
And so it started. At about the time when Saionji was about to stop her, Juri sat up in the bed.  
  
"Ow.." she said, clutching her stomach. Saionji turned around, noticing that the excruciating pain had subsided somewhat..  
  
"What is it? What's wro-" he was cut off by the blunt end of the stick, smashing into his nose.  
  
"Shut up." Juri said, her voice almost as blunt as the stick.  
  
Saionji sat up, sneezing multiple times, "What the hell is wrong?" He asked, barely able to keep the note of panic out of his voice.  
  
"I'm having contractions…" Juri said sharply, grabbing his face, and pursing his lips with her hand, "Let's go." She said, picking up the bag that she had prepared.  
  
"What?" Saionji said, blinking, "Where?"  
  
"You'll see." She said. The digital alarm clock on the dresser read: 9:29:21… 9:28:32  
  
"Mikage…." Nanami said, in a whiny tone of voice.  
  
Mikage sighed the sigh of the long-suffering, "If this is about the curtains again, or the coffins, or the butterflies or shoes, no, Nanami, I will not change my décor for you…" Mikage sighed.  
  
"No…" Nanami said, "It's not that… It's just… Oh HELP ME OUT HERE!"  
  
"Yes, Miss Nanami?" called the three minions, who were busying themselves in the other room, decorating the only room Mikage would allow them to have. Aiko hung red and yellow bows on every eave and wall, and from the curtains, Yuuko was busily sewing more ribbons onto the bedspread. However, they abandoned their chores when they heard her call, and lined up in front of her, army style.  
  
She ignored their salutes though, as she was too busy being in incredible distress.  
  
"Yes?" They said in unison.  
  
Nanami frowned, "Tell Mikage what's wrong!" she said, clutching her belly.  
  
The minions were very quickly on her, feeling her forehead, listening to her heart through a stethoscope, and peering into her ears with a light.  
  
They lined up, somehow suddenly clad in surgeon's robe, and presented a clipboard with their prognosis.  
  
Mikage took it, and frowned at the contents, "Dropsy?" he said.  
  
The minions blinked, and snatched back the clipboard. Aiko took a magic marker and scribbled something, handing it back to Mikage.  
  
"Oh.. Labor.." he said, relieved, "Wait.. Labor?!"  
  
The minions nodded, smiling, and then blinked.  
  
"HELLO!!!" Nanami said, "Labor here!"  
  
"Oh! Labor!" the minions shouted, "We have to do something!"  
  
Mikage blinked, "Well, quickly, let's get ready to go!"  
  
"WHERE!?" the three girls shouted in unison, and in great distress.  
  
Mikage grimaced, "We'll figure something out…" he said.  
  
The minions rushed into Nanami's room, to find her ultra-fashionable maternity clothes, and pack for her. In their servitude-induced frenzy, they didn't notice that the gold-trimmed mirror on Nanami's wall wasn't reflecting their frenetic motion, but a bunch of numbers, counting swiftly down. 8:54:65, 8:53:22….  
  
In one of the girl's dorms, a strange sight had appeared. It was one that no one at Ohtori ever expected to see, a strange and surreal sight.  
  
"Hello?" Touga said, blinking, "Is anyone there?" he knocked on the door again.  
  
Touga Kiryuu was being shunned… by a GIRL.  
  
"NO ONE IS HOME!" came the voice of an incredibly pissed Wakaba.  
  
"But.. You called me…" Touga said, his voice closer to whine than his customary smooth-as-silk inflection.  
  
"I thought I needed you, but I DON'T!" she said.  
  
"Well… can I at least come in?" he asked.  
  
"Why?" she said, sounding strained.  
  
Touga really didn't want to say 'Because if I come home after less than a half an hour, it'll look bad…' because he knew she would never let him in then. However, he was tired of thinking, so he was about to, when he was saved.  
  
"AHHH-!" came Wakaba's voice from inside, something between a scream and a moan, and very low, as if suppressed.  
  
At the sound of pain in a feminine voice, Touga's brain clacked into 'Chivalrous Princey-type guy' mode.  
  
"I'll save you!" He called in a very Superman/Prince Valiant voice, and leapt into the door, leading with his shoulder.  
  
Wakaba heard a muffled thump outside, and lifted an eyebrow, "What was that?" she shouted in a somewhat breathless voice.  
  
Touga's voice came whimpery and squeaky, "Nothing…" he said.  
  
She sighed, and with more pity for a poor dumb creature than anything else, opened the door.  
  
"Thank you.." Touga said, voice still somewhat wheezy. He stood up, smoothing his hair, "Now.. What's the trouble?" he asked, smiling with sparkling teeth.  
  
She collapsed back onto the bed with an outburst of breath, cradling her round stomach, "I don't know, but I think I'm in labor."  
  
Touga felt his perfectly manicured exterior cracking. His face fell about as far as it ever could, "L- labor.." he squeaked.  
  
"YES, Labor, you moron!" Wakaba said, "Do I have to spell it for you?" she asked.  
  
"No.. no.. But, just.. wait a minute." He said, ruffling his hair back in a way that would drive any non-pregnant woman wild. He bit his lip, "The only hospital near here is the Our Lady of the Flaming Heart…. That's much too far away to walk." Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and grinned.  
  
"So….?" Wakaba said.  
  
"So I have an idea." Said Touga, "Let's get outta here." He said, grabbing her by the arm. As the jerk jerked the pregnant woman out the door, the clock on the wall seemed to be counting down, 8:00:45, 7:59:23…  
  
"Miss Kozue?" called Mitsuru. He was wearing an apron that was much too large for him, and carrying a load of silk panties and sheets, "Do you want me to fold these, or would you rather I just strew them about the room?"  
  
Kozue didn't answer, so Mitsuru peeked his head around the corner, "Miss Kozue?" he said, eyes tightly shut. He couldn't hear any noises, but he had been surprised before by one of Kozue's many 'male friends', and he was much too innocent to be exposed to any more sexual acts.  
  
When he peeked out of one eye, he was relieved to see only Kozue, straining and clutching her belly.  
  
"Mitsuru…" she moaned.  
  
"Uh…" he said, eyes wide, face rapidly turning bright red, "Uh….."  
  
"Mitsuru… I'm in labor…" she said.  
  
"Oh." Mitsuru said, visibly relaxed, "I was worried that it was…. Something else."  
  
"No, I wouldn't make you do that again…" (Author: Ha ha! Wouldn't you like to know!) She groaned, "Just… we need to get to a hospital. Now."  
  
"Kozue! I can't drive.. Not after.. that.." he demurred, pursing his cute little-boy lips.  
  
"Well, maybe the police would let you by if they found out that you were about to have a SON!" Kozue shouted, spitting.  
  
"They didn't believe that the last time…" he said, pressing the tips of his fingers together..  
  
She paused, "No, I guess they didn't. Well, let's take a walk, then.."  
  
Mitsuru frowned, ducking his head.  
  
"Oh yeah… I forgot about that…" Kozue said flatly, "I'll just call the dean, then." She turned to him, "Do I get you into the trouble or what?" she asked Mitsuru, raising an eyebrow.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
She had lifted the phone and was just about to dial when she saw that the LCD display of the phone was reading a number countdown: 7:00:34, 6:56:33, 6:45:09…  
  
"What the fu-" she said, and Mitsuru covered his virgin ears.  
  
Meanwhile, in another totally unrelated place…  
  
"Ah…" said Keiko.  
  
"Hm?" asked Shiori.  
  
"I just had the strangest feeling…." Keiko said, "Like we were missing out on something…."  
  
"Oh?" Shiori said.  
  
"Yeah… like something really important was about to happen and we were missing it…" she said, frowning.  
  
"That's stupid," Shiori said, "We have all that's important right here."  
  
"Aw…" Keiko said, and they made out.  
  
Mhm… The Author wishes to comment that she is remaining neutral on the previously stated arrangement. Mhg…  
  
Miki was having a time, it seems, attempting to balance both Utena and a midsize duffel bag on the handlebar of his bike. He could barely see over Utena's rotund belly, but he didn't mention it, lest she cleave him to death with her eyes. He hadn't known her to do so before the pregnancy, but there were a few times when she had given him a look that raised the hair on the back of his neck. He had learned to mostly keep quiet since then. However, the lack of vision had led to some alarming results.  
  
"Ah!" Utena said, scowling, "Miki! If you go over another bump, I'm going to fly off this thing!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Miss Utena, but…" he trailed off.  
  
"You know, if you had thought a little more about this before slinging me over your handlebars, then maybe we'd be a little better off, hm?" Utena said, "We could have asked the Rijichou for help.."  
  
"Yes, but then what would he have asked for in return…" Miki said, his eyes wide.  
  
They both shuddered at the thought.  
  
Utena groaned, "Well, if we don't find a hospital soon, you're going to have to birth this baby yourself…" Utena said.  
  
"M-me?" Miki said, "But I'm…" he had barely finished his thought when he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Utena Tenjou!" called a hate-filled voice.  
  
"Miki!?" said a surprised one.  
  
He and Utena turned their doe-faces towards the voices, but barely had they noted them before they heard a familiar groovy music…  
  
About thirty seconds earlier…  
  
"Saionji, you bastard! I hate you, and I hate your mother, and I hate your best friend!" Juri screeched.  
  
"You and me both…" Saionji murmured.  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT?" Juri snapped.  
  
"Nothing…" Saionji said.  
  
Juri was draped unpleasantly over Saionji's running back, her belly getting in the way of any comfort.  
  
"Can't you run a little less jerkily? Do you want your baby to turn out mentally retarded?" Juri bitched.  
  
"If you would just shut up, I could maybe think of a way out of this situation…" Saionji said.  
  
"Be my guest." Juri said, leaping with amazing deftness off his back, despite her gravid condition. She crossed her arms.  
  
"Well, we could…" he had only just spoken when he heard a voice.  
  
"…birth this baby yourself…"  
  
He turned with a growl.  
  
"M-Me…" another said, just as Saionji blurted out,  
  
"Utena Tenjou!" in a hate-filled voice.  
  
"Miki-kun?" Juri said, surprised.  
  
They had only just spoken before they heard two new voices.  
  
"Saionji?" called a bemused voice.  
  
"Arisugawa…" said another.  
  
In attempting to turn and see the others, Juri and Saionji were blinded by a pair of headlights…  
  
Thirty seconds earlier… again…  
  
Nanami was gravely inconvenienced by the large belly that was in front of her, but she was somewhat satisfied that she would get to the hospital in time. Mikage had managed to procure a moped for the event.  
  
"Now, just sit tight… If I remember correctly, there's a hospital just around the corner…" Mikage said.  
  
"Around the corner? Which hospital?" Nanami asked, confused.  
  
"Why, the Veteran's hospital, of course?" Mikage said, as if it was all too obvious.  
  
"Veteran's hospital?" Nanami asked, "But that was torn down thirty years ago!"  
  
"What?" Mikage said, but he was unable to finish his thought because, you guessed it, they heard voices. Not the fun crazy-kind type, but the boring kind.  
  
"Be my guest." They heard, and then a sharp tok!  
  
"Well, we could…" Said the voice, just as Nanami recognized it.  
  
The moped rounded the corner, just as the two in question turned to face two more.  
  
"Saionji?" Nanami said, bemused.  
  
"Arisugawa…" Mikage stated, just recognizing her from vague description.  
  
They had only just spoken before they heard two new voices.  
  
"Nanami?" said one, clearly perplexed.  
  
"Mikage!" gasped another.  
  
Nanami and Mikage heard an engine rev from very nearby, and were frozen with shock…  
  
Thirty seconds earlier than that…  
  
"I still can't believe it…" Wakaba lamented, "A wagon!"  
  
Touga was pulling a Radio Flyer which was occupied by an extremely pissed Wakaba.  
  
"Honestly, Touga, do you take all your dates on a wagon ride?" Wakaba said, crossing her arms, "It's a wonder you get any dates at all…"  
  
Touga simply walked on in silence, towing the wagon along behind him.  
  
"Well?" Wakaba said.  
  
Touga paused, "If you'd prefer not to go to the hospital, I'm fine with that…" he said.  
  
Wakaba bit her lip and looked away.  
  
"That's what I thought…" Touga said.  
  
They plodded on in silence for a few moments more, and then Wakaba sat up.  
  
"Oh, I see now. Akio-san's got that red car, and you have this. Makes perfect sense."  
  
"Shut UP!" Touga shouted, losing his cool.  
  
Just then there was a voice. Yes, ANOTHER one.  
  
"…That was torn down fifty years ago!"  
  
"What?"  
  
Touga ran ahead, the squeaky wheels squealing behind him.  
  
"Nanami?" he said, perplexed, as he finally caught up to the voices.  
  
"Mikage!" gasped Wakaba.  
  
Another pair of voices greeted theirs.  
  
"Touga!" with joy.  
  
And then, "Miss Wakaba?" with trepidation.  
  
When they turned, very nearly tipping over the wagon, they heard a horn honk, and instead turned that direction…  
  
And yet still thirty seconds earlier…  
  
"This is really difficult…" Mitsuru said aloud, attempting to right his wobbly vehicle. Kozue was standing sideways on his little red scooter, which left just enough room for the fourth grader to stand his one foot on, and zoom forward with the other. But it was hard to keep his balance with such a strange weight balance on the scooter, and on top of that, Kozue kept stepping on the brake. She was doing her lamaze breaths, but it didn't seem to be helping.  
  
"I can't imagine why the phone wasn't working…" Kozue said between breaths.  
  
"Probably he was out…" Mitsuru said, "He's a big important guy, he probably has stuff to do."  
  
"Mhm…" Kozue said, "And I'm sure I know what he's out doing, too…" she said flatly.  
  
"What?" Mitsuru asked, eyes all wide and innocent-like…  
  
"Nothing…" Muttered Kozue.  
  
She cocked her ears as she heard a voice.  
  
"…Makes perfect sense."  
  
"Shut UP!"  
  
"Hurry!" she whispered to Mitsuru, who complied.  
  
When they finally rounded the corner, Kozue grinned and shouted, "Touga!" with joy.  
  
Mitsuru frowned and said, "Miss Wakaba?" with trepidation. He wasn't even sure if that was her name, let alone what she was doing here.  
  
Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as they saw the ominous figure of the Akio car loom, headlights on.  
  
Just then, there was a loud beeping as the alarm on every clock or other device with a numeric display went off, flashing 5:00:00. The crew in the intersection shielded their ears.  
  
Akio, in the car, stood, "Well, what are you waiting for? Get in!"  
  
With one mind, they each ditched their vehicles, and fairly leapt into the Akio car, which seemed to expand to include all of them. Akio and Anthy exchanged grins and then stared at the ten pairs of worried eyes that looked out from the dark.  
  
"Don't worry, we'll take care of you…" Akio said, grinning evilly.  
  
The eyes became much more worried.  
  
"Whoa… Did you see that?" one nurse asked the other.  
  
"Hm? No, what?"  
  
"A huge group of pregnant high school students, their boyfriends, and what looked to be their chaperones just came through here, towards the maternity ward.." the first nurse said, looking shaken.  
  
"So.. That's really no big deal. It's not as if they were all headed for the psycho ward." The other replied.  
  
"That's just it.." Said the first, "They all looked worried… Like something horrible was about to happen to them."  
  
"Hah!" said the second, "Something is! Have you ever gone through labor?"  
  
"No, not that… Just… It was weird. Also, they didn't seem to like each other. They were bickering a lot."  
  
The second nurse opened her newspaper and sniffed, "You're overreacting." She said, "Everyone bickers."  
  
"Well, if you say so… I just think we should maybe keep an eye on them…"  
  
"Hm. Whatever."  
  
So, as the Ohtori procession marched through the hospital, and the girls were sped through the doors by nurses with wheelchairs, the boys sat down for what might be a long, long wait.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Author's note: I'm not sure whether the next will be the last or not.. I think I'll have a short one after that with their children. Oh, happy happy! It's been forever since I finished a fanfic, and I hope that over the summer, I can do a couple more. Thanks for sticking with me, the time frame for the next one is unknown. Maybe someday soon. I promise nothing. Love and more love can go to DragonGirl17@AOL.com. Less love and hatred can go long long ago, to a galaxy far far away. 


End file.
